10 Points for a less painful divorce

As a Mediation Attorney, I see all the pain and hurt as a result of a divorce, especially where there are children involved. A divorce causes a lot of heartache and pain. Each party’s world is turned upside-down and everything is unknown, uncertain and  often traumatic.

Where both parties are committed to an amicable and seamless divorce, these 10 points can help in the divorce process:

  1. Keep the children protected. The children are innocent in this process, and remember you as the parents must try and make this process less traumatic than it already is.
  2. Be committed to the process. With Mediation you and your partner determine the process and the outcome of the divorce.
  3. When you planned your wedding, everything was planned in detail. Equally, spend time to think how you and your partner want to dissolve this marriage. Focus on what you need out of this divorce process. Think of the money, time and emotional energy that are consumed on a contested divorce.
  4. If in pain, seek professional advice and guidance on the road forward.
  5. It’s likley that your partner will see things differently to you. Try to see things from their perspective and be as objective as possible.
  6. With Mediation, we focus on today and the future. What’s done is done, good or bad. The past cannot be changed, but you can change today.
  7. Don’t badmouth your partner in front of the children. You will always be mom and dad, regardless of what you think of your partner, nothing can change that!
  8. The Children’s Act 38 of 2005 specifies clearly that in S18 (2) the parental responsibilities and rights in respect of a child, include the responsibility and the right  to –
    1. care for the child;
    2. maintain contact with the child;
    3. act as guardian of the child;
    4. contribute to the maintenance of the child.

    Even though you and your partner have decided to get a divorce, you still have to strive to be the best parent that you can be and have legal obligations to do so!

  9. The mediation process is non-adversarial. The goal is that both parties work together co-operatively to reach the best resolution for everyone.
  10. Every situation in life moulds and shapes you as a person. Make sure the decisions you make are for the right reasons, and not necessarily made out of emotional decisions.

Each decision has consequences in life. Each action has a reaction. Not everything in life is fair. How you react is up to you!

Find out more about how mediation can resolve your personal, civil & commercial disputes.

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